I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
