Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
