Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
