Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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