And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
