Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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