Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
