Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
