At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
