I cut my penus on the lid.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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