Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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