we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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