yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
