HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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