my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
