I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
