i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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