you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
