The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's blow job season.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
