Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
