Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
