We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
