remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A+ Viking dick
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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