What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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