i permit you to call me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
