i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
