He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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