you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
