If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
