i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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