I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
