I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
a search helicopter?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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