Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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