so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do vagina's smell?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
