I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
