Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
