Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
