just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
