I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize