Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
