Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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