btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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