Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
