True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
