The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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