Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
