There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
