Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we're so committed to being not committed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize