Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
