is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
