Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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