swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
