can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
