Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
