Betty ford says i'm here all night
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
