WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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