You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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