im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
