Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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