I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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