I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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