ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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