What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
