Where is the hickey?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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