Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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