My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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