people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
