I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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