My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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