do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What a dumb baby whore.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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