Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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