is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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