if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
