I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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