My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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