Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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