Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Welp...herpes.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
